Starfish

As Ellie learns to stand up for herself, one of the most crucial lessons she learns is that she must do so without attacking others. This theme is first introduced in Poem 62: “Let There Be Light—Sabers,” when Dr. Wood helps Ellie understand that standing up for yourself doesn’t mean making fun of others in return. When Ellie insults Marissa and Kortnee in Poem 56: “Let It Rip,” she feels “so mean, / so sad” (82), and Dr. Wood teaches her that redirecting hate solves nothing. This theme guides Ellie’s development throughout the novel, and sheds light on other characters’ actions.

This theme is important in understanding what drives Ellie’s bullies. For Ellie herself, the act of defending oneself is often done out of insecurity, or as a way to protect oneself from real or imagined humiliation. Enemy Number 3 in particular teaches Ellie this lesson. In Poem 44: “The Question,” Ellie watches him trip over his broken shoe and then quickly check to make sure no one saw the fall. In Poem 95: “Pure Garbage,” she questions how he, a bully, would know how it feels to be bullied, before realizing that he himself is targeted for his economic status. Still, Ellie can’t fathom why someone who knows the pain of bullying would choose to bully others. Through Enemy Number 3, the narrative demonstrates that some bullies defend themselves, either from concrete attacks or out of insecurity, by attacking other people.

Ellie’s reactions to the opportunities she has to be a bully herself reinforce the strength of her character. Whenever Ellie retaliates against someone with an attack, she feels terrible. Even when Ellie discovers the hateful words Liam wrote about her in Poem 67: “Liam’s Wish,” the thought of retaliation only elicits pain. She instead chooses to release these words, because “[they] don’t seem to bother [Liam] one bit, but / they’re hurting me” (100). Ellie consistently chooses to treat others with compassion, as she does in Poem 119: “Serving Christmas” when she chooses not to reveal Enemy Number 3’s poverty: “He might not deserve that kindness, / but I know he needs it” (191). In this case, Ellie’s compassion for those who’ve harmed her demonstrates that attacking isn’t a solution to bullying; defending yourself by causing others pain will only continue the cycle of attacks. Ellie’s reactions to opportunities to bully demonstrate that individuals have a choice in how and where they redirect their pain, and that receiving attacks isn’t an excuse to attack others.

The novel’s conclusion supports this theme. At the climax, Ellie successfully defends herself from Marissa and Kortnee, and rescues her dog Gigi from their clutches. Although Ellie throws a cake in their faces, she ultimately does not “attack” them; she does so in defense of her own dignity and her pet. In Poem 140: “Captured on Video,” Ellie chooses not to post the video of Marissa and Kortnee getting cake to their faces to social media, because she knows “that would be attacking / Marissa and Kortnee / and not defending myself” (227). Ellie took the steps necessary to stand up to her bullies once and for all, but maintained her integrity and chose not to humiliate them the way they’ve humiliated her. Again, this demonstrates Ellie’s strength of character and communicates the idea that attacking others does not necessarily resolve issues. The way to break the cycle of abuse is exactly what Ellie does: defending yourself when necessary, but still treating others with consideration.

While Ellie’s primary arc revolves around accepting herself and learning to stand up for herself, she also learns to accept support from others. She begins the novel wary of other people; Poem 10: “The Thing About Fatdar” demonstrates how Ellie has become accustomed to cruelty from others and struggles to trust new connections. Poem 17: “Family For Breakfast” demonstrates how even Ellie’s familial relationships have taught her to be wary of others; bar Dad, Ellie does not receive support from her family members, and is even outright attacked by Mom and older brother Liam. Over the course of the novel, Ellie develops authentic, supportive connections and learns the importance of having a circle of support.

This theme primarily develops through Ellie’s relationship with Catalina. Although she is initially suspicious of her new neighbor, Ellie gradually opens up to Catalina as Catalina proves herself a steadfast friend. In Poems 86-87 (“Checking on Me” and “From I to We”), Catalina silently supports Ellie even though Ellie cannot bring herself to voice her pain. From this moment on, Ellie accepts Catalina into her circle and allows herself to be vulnerable with her, as she does in Poem 96: “Stuffing,” when she trusts Catalina with the knowledge of Mom’s monitoring of her food, and in Poem 97: “No Mirrors,” when Ellie confides in Catalina why she doesn’t have a mirror in her room. Catalina responds to this information by gifting Ellie a mirror in Poem 118: “Unwrapped,” showing Ellie her own beauty. This moment demonstrates the value of Ellie’s trust: By confiding in Catalina and allowing herself to be vulnerable with her, Ellie gains a compassionate friend who can help her see the beauty in herself.

Other characters crucial to this theme are Dad and Dr. Wood. Dad is Ellie’s primary defender against Mom; he always has Ellie’s back and watches out for her best interests. In Poem 146: “Weight of Words,” Ellie assures her father that she has people who love and support her, including him (240). Dr. Wood is Ellie’s therapist who advocates for her and helps her reach important conclusions. She teaches Ellie how to process the pain of others’ hurtful words and how to channel it into positive self-expression; she also teaches Ellie that it is her right to take up space and that her voice matters. With the support of adults like Dad and Dr. Wood, Ellie gains the tools needed to make her voice heard.

Poem 139: “Outnumbered” is the climax of this theme, as well as the narrative climax of Ellie’s conflict with her school bullies. Ellie confronts Marissa and Kortnee with Catalina, Catalina’s siblings, and older sister Anaïs by her side, demonstrating that support from others is instrumental in gaining the capacity to stand up for yourself. Although Ellie drives the confrontation, having allies present gives her the courage to face her bullies. The two girls are outmatched not only in numbers, but emotional support.