53 pages • 1 hour read
Our Souls At Night
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Themes
The Pain of Loneliness
Our Souls at Night opens with Addie proposing that she and Louis spend their nights together, and she is motivated to do this because she is lonely and knows that Louis is, too. Addie tells him, “I mean we’re both alone. We’ve been by ourselves for too long. For years. I’m lonely. I think you might be too. I wonder if you would come and sleep in the night with me. And talk” (5). Addie is brave to voice her unusual solution, but her unconventional gesture highlights the depth of her loneliness that drives her to take this step. Addie’s and Louis’s situations are shared by many elderly Americans: Their spouses have died and their children have moved away, leaving them with empty hours and no one to talk to. Addie feels that her sense of isolation becomes amplified at nighttime and is compounded by her trouble sleeping. She feels she “could sleep again if there were someone else in bed with [her]. Someone nice. The closeness of that. Talking in the night, in the dark” (5-6). Addie believes that her sleeplessness, too, stems from her loneliness, and she is right about this, as she manages to fall asleep quickly whenever Louis is beside her. Again, this shows the extent of her loneliness since it is affecting every aspect of her life, including her mental and physical health. Throughout the novel, other elderly characters, too, are shown as being lonely and isolated—like Ruth—and some express their envy at Addie’s and Louis’s arrangement, like the women who come up to talk to them at Holt Café. This shows that many elderly people struggle with a profound sense of loneliness.
The novel also develops the idea that loneliness can persist even in the midst of other people. Though Addie and Louis are part of a small community and interact with some friends and neighbors, they still feel isolated and go about their daily routines without any real human connection. While the novel especially delves into elderly people’s loneliness and isolation, it also suggests that loneliness is part of the human condition and people experience it in all stages of their lives. The source of this loneliness is people’s inability to reach out to others and to connect on an emotional level. For example, after Connie’s death, Diane visited Addie multiple times to see how she was doing. Addie says, “I was grateful to her. Most people felt too uncomfortable to say anything at all” (46). People struggle to truly connect, worrying that it will be awkward or that it can get inconvenient, and this further isolates them from one another. The same happened when Carl died and Louis admired Addie’s strength from afar but never “came over or made a point of saying anything” because he didn’t want to seem “intrusive” (21). This concern about intrusiveness may look and feel like politeness but is actually an excuse distance oneself, and Louis comes to understand this, admitting that it is a “[failure] of character” (47). However, old habits take a while to break, and later, after Gene takes Jamie home, Louis wonders if he should give Addie some time and space to process her sadness. She reprimands him by saying, “I don’t want to be alone and brood like you do […]. I want you to come over so I can talk to you” (149-150). Addie understands that communication is the only way to combat loneliness.
Even relationships—like marriages and parent-child relationships—can be lonely if they lack open communication and emotional closeness. Addie says she was lonely earlier in her life, even before Carl died; after Connie’s death, Carl and Gene shut down emotionally. Carl stopped making love to her, and Gene didn’t walk to talk to her or join her on excursions to Denver. Addie’s enjoyed her solo excursions to Denver, but they also emphasize her loneliness even within her family. Later in the novel, she is pleased when she attends a musical in Denver with Louis and stays with him at the same posh hotel she used to stay in alone; she finally gets to share this experience with a companion.
Jamie and Bonny also show the pain of loneliness affects people of all ages—and even all living creatures. Jamie, whose mother left and whose father sent him away for the summer, fears that they have abandoned him. Like Addie, he, too, finds the nights most difficult and needs caring people to sleep beside. The rescue dog Bonny’s previous owners neglected badly, and she cries if she is left alone, too. Like Jamie, Addie, and Louis, Bonny finds it easier to sleep when she is with someone else.
Addie’s and Louis’s arrangement gives them a temporary respite from their loneliness, which is a hopeful perspective on the human capacity for connection. However, in the end, they are driven apart by societal judgment and their weakening health. On their last night together, they “[hold] each other in the night […] but it [is] more out of habit and desolation and anticipated loneliness and disheartenment, as if they [are] trying to store up these moments together against what [is] coming” (165). This quote suggests that they are also aware of their mortality; they are old and know that one of them will die in the near future, leaving the other alone. They know that what is coming is a worse loneliness than before, because now they know the pleasure of true connection.
Late-Life Love
Most romances feature lovers in their younger years, as fiery passion is considered the province of the young. This novel, however, is a love story about characters in their golden years who have had a lifetime of experience and other partners. Through the experiences of these characters, the novel shows that older people in romantic relationships must contend with an entirely different set of expectations and reactions compared to their younger counterparts.
Louis and Addie view their relationship as freeing and wholly pleasurable. Without the pressures of marriage, raising a family, or finances, they can have an honest relationship, free of pretenses. Louis describes it to his daughter as a “decision to be free. Even at our ages” (52). While old age comes with its many troubles—including emotional isolation and especially physical challenges—a romantic relationship helps these characters feel like they are still free to choose their happiness. Before, their lives had fallen into predictable routines, but this new relationship brings vibrancy. Addie says that their arrangement is “better than [she] had hoped for. […] [She] like[s] the friendship of it. [She] like[s] the time together. Being here in the dark of night. The talking. Hearing [Louis] breathe next to [her]” (92). Addie proposes this relationship to Louis to combat her loneliness, and it more than meets her needs; while she previously dreaded nighttime and its accompanying loneliness, Louis’s companionship now makes it a pleasure. Similarly, Louis explains to Holly that since their relationship doesn’t have the usual pressures younger people face, it is completely “a good time” (51). He enjoys “[g]etting to know somebody well at this age. And finding out [he] like[s] her and discovering [he is] not just all dried up after all” (51). Their relationship brings new energy and vitality to their waning years.
At various points, Louis and Addie reflect on how their relationship is closer and happier than their marriages were. Age and wisdom have given them a better understanding of themselves as well as others. Describing his marriage to Diane, Louis says: “[We] didn’t know anything in our twenties when we were first married. It was all just instinct and the patterns we’d grown up with” (56). As a younger man, Louis was the partner he thought society expected him to be, following established “patterns” of what it meant to be a husband, a man, a provider. However, age has given him the gift of experience and insight, and he is now able to pursue what he enjoys in a relationship rather than what is conventionally acceptable. Addie echoes this idea later when she says relationships are usually “two people bumping against each other blindly, acting out of old ideas and dreams and mistaken understandings” (130), though she sees her and Louis’s relationship as being different from this. She describes her marriage as a “joined life” kept together by duty, not pleasure, but there is no sense of duty or obligation in her arrangement with Louis. They are completely open and truthful with each other and enjoy their moments together.
Their unconventional relationship comes with its challenges, foremost of which is societal judgment. Society projects ideas onto older people about how they should behave and what they should want—and romance is usually not part of it. While many of their small-town neighbors heap judgment and criticism on Addie and Louis, they manage to brush this off. However, their children’s reactions prove more hurtful. Holly calls her father’s relationship with Addie embarrassing, especially since she hears about it from friends. However, Holly is ultimately supportive of her father’s happiness since she, too, lives her life by her own standards. Addie’s son, Gene, though, has a much harsher reaction, deeming it shameful. Ultimately, Gene bullies his mother into ending the relationship; he is primarily motivated to do this by his financial insecurity since he worries that Louis will take away Addie’s money and Gene’s inheritance. So, though Addie’s and Louis’s relationship thrives because it is free from worldly pressures, the world does manage to creep in.
Romance between younger people may introduce sexual activity early on. However, for Addie and Louis, sex is just another fun activity they eventually try out of curiosity and desire, not urgency. Addie makes it clear from the start that her proposal is not about sex, stating, “I think I’ve lost any sexual impulse a long time ago” (5). This again highlights the note of complete honesty that they begin their relationship on. It is only as the summer closes and Jamie has left that they “tried to do what the town thought all along they’d been doing but hadn’t” (152). “Tried” is the key word here, as Louis tells Addie, “I’ve got the old man’s complaint. […] The limp time has come, as the poet says” (153). Unlike younger romances that depict scenes of fiery passion, the lovemaking between Addie and Louis is tender and funny. Their expectations of sex are different from what they—or other lovers in literature—had as younger people. Now, the most important part of their relationship, as Addie says, is being “just two old people talking in the dark” (176). It is not all that they are, but it is all that they need to be for each other.
Rumors and Reputations
Holt, Colorado, represents the benefits and drawbacks of a small town. On one hand, it is a close community where everyone knows their neighbors. On the other hand, neighbors make it a point to know each other’s business. As their new relationship develops, Addie and Louis must contend with the opinions of family, friends, and acquaintances,
Louis is initially worried about how their neighbors will react to their unconventional arrangement, though Addie is determined to live life on her own terms. The first time he visits Addie at night, he approaches her backdoor via the alley, not wanting the neighbors to notice him. Addie tells him to come by the front door the next time because “[t]he alley makes it seem [they]’re doing something wrong or something disgraceful, to be ashamed of” (8). Addie is outspoken and brave, and she doesn’t see anything wrong in their arrangement though Louis is aware that their neighbors likely won’t share her ideas. As they are both elderly and widowed, he expects the townspeople will question the appropriateness of the companionship, and he turns out to be right. However, Addie is no longer worried about public opinion, stating, “I don’t want to live like that anymore—for other people, what they think, what they believe. I don’t think it’s the way to live. It isn’t for me anyway” (26-27). Though Addie had an unhappy marriage, she felt at the time that she had to keep up appearances, so she stayed in the relationship even though she was hurting; but in her old age, she is done with maintaining society-condoned appearances.
Louis, however, has a slightly different opinion on personal reputations, which stems from his marriage history. Forty years earlier, he left his wife and daughter for another woman, and all the townspeople knew about this. Though he returned to his family and made amends, his reputation was tarnished—and in a small town, that can be hard to fix. Their older neighbor Ruth, whose sidewalk he shovels, says of him: “He’s always been kind to me, though […]. But he’s no saint. He’s caused his share of pain” (35). It is no wonder, then, that Gene raises the specter of this long-ago affair when he confronts Louis, saying, “I know about you. When I was a kid I heard about you. […] How you left your wife and daughter for some other woman” (124-25). Therefore, Louis is initially more sensitive to the opinions of others because he has had decades of trying to repair his own reputation. This is part of the reason he reacts so strongly toward Dorlan Becker insinuates that Louis has been having sex with Addie. He tells Becker, “You know, […] one of the things I always hear is how any story is safe with you. It goes right in your ears and out your mouth” (23). Becker represents all the gossips in their smalltown who know everyone’s business, spread rumors, and pass judgments. From his past experience, Louis understands that this can impact their lives for a long time and that it can be painful to be a subject of gossip and judgment. This is why he is so keen to protect Addie’s reputation.
Other characters like Ruth, Holly, and especially Gene, share Louis’s worries about public opinion. Though Ruth accepts Addie and Louis’s relationship, she rails against the wagging tongues of the “small-minded” townsfolk. She admits to Addie that “Sometimes [she] hate[s] this place […]. Sometimes [she] wish[es] [she] had gotten out of here when [she] could” (34). Ruth believes that rumors and gossip are built into the fabric of a small town, and the only way to escape it is to leave. Louis’s daughter Holly has gotten out of Holt, but she, too, is susceptible to the rumors. She hears about her father’s relationship with Addie through a friend and tells him it’s embarrassing. Louis responds that she “worr[ies] too much about people in this town. […] He’s learned that” (52). In fact, in some ways, he learns the lesson better than Addie, though she is the one who inspires him to ignore what people say; Louis is the one not only to suggest their public luncheon but he also kisses her in front of Gene. Though Addie isn’t moved by public scrutiny and gossip, in the end, she is forced to give in to pressure from her son, Gene, to end the relationship. He threatens to cut her off from any contact with Jamie if she continues her relationship. He tells her that she must not only stop seeing or talking to Louis, but she must also avoid even the appearance of having any connection with him. Gene’s stipulations hurt Addie and Louis deeply. In this way, the novel questions whether society should have a say in the personal lives and happiness of individuals.
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