Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust

Immaculée and her family spend the entire day listening to the radio, in shock about the broadcasts reporting that “ordinary Hutu citizens were joining government soldiers and Interahamwe militia men and killing innocent Tutsi civilians; meanwhile, the local stations were encouraging Hutus to pick up machetes and attack their Tutsi neighbors” (45). The national radio, on the other hand, recommends that all citizens of Rwanda stay in their homes for the time being. When news that a Rwandan prime minister—a moderate Hutu woman by the name of Agathe Uwilingiyimana—has been assassinated breaks, Immaculée and her family can no longer ignore the crisis. Damascene is in a stupor, and Immaculée tells him to pull it together, so that he can help her make decisions about what’s best for the family. Her parents are also dazed, and her brother Vianney is too young to help decide the right course of action in this difficult time. Night falls, and the news reports that the Belgian troops that have been protecting the prime minister, along with other forms of foreign aid, are leaving Rwanda en masse.

In the morning, a group of Interahamwe soldiers attack Immaculée’s village, throwing grenades into the houses of Tutsi families. At the sound of this commotion, Immaculée’s family runs to a nearby hilltop to observe the scope of the situation:

Below us, on the far side of a nearby river, we saw a group of Interahamwe surrounding one of our neighbors. They moved like a pack of jackals, holding their machetes above their heads and circling him slowly. We watched helplessly from afar as they moved in for the kill, mercilessly chopping him to bits (48).

Dozens of Immaculée’s Tutsi neighbors gather in front of Immaculée’s house, seeking the counsel of her father, who has long been known as an unofficial community advisor, someone villagers turn to in times of trouble. Immaculée’s father addresses the crowd of frightened Tutsis, saying, “‘Everyone be calm […] We’ll find a way to get through this together’” (48).

That night, Immaculée’s father says that he is worried about her health, seeing as she has not slept at all, and tells her to go sleep in her room. Everyone else—the Tutsi refugees, along with Immaculée’s family—camps out outside. The news reports do not improve: “Tutsis were being killed in large numbers in every corner of Rwanda, peace talks between the government and Tutsi rebels had broken off, and the RPF vowed to fight its way to the capital to stop the slaughter” (49). Immaculée cries into her pillow, fearing for what is to come.

Immaculée goes outside and observes her sleeping family in the early hours of the next morning. During the night, the number of Tutsi refugees outside Immaculée’s house grew, and now “[a]t least 10,000 Tutsis were camped in front of our home” (50). In the afternoon, Immaculée’s father leads the Tutsi refugees in prayer to keep them safe and to give them strength. A few hours after the group prayer, a band of fifty Interahamwe attack the Tutsi refugee camp outside Immaculée’s family home, and they somehow manage to chase them away, which is only “a minor victory—the radio continued to report widespread killings and a steady stream of Tutsi refugees was arriving at our door” (51). The Interahamwe return soon after, but there are many more than fifty now. However, when they get closer to the group of Tutsis, they are frightened off by the sheer number of them gathered: “Even with guns and grenades, 100 [Hutus] against 10,000 [Tutsis] were not good odds. But the odds would not be in our favor for long” (53). With Immaculée’s father certain that the Interahamwe will return with more ferocity than ever, he instructs her to flee to a nearby pastor’s home, saying, “‘You’re a young woman, and it’s too dangerous for you here. Go to Pastor Murinzi’s house, and in a few days when the troubles are over, I will come get you myself’” (54). Immaculée tries to stay with the rest of her family, but it is of no use—her father insists that she go into hiding, while her parents and her brothers stay to defend their family home.

So, Immaculée leaves her family home on a five-mile hike “down a narrow dirt road to the pastor’s house” (54).

Immaculée arrives at the pastor’s house. She finds comfort immediately, as she has “been good friends with the youngest of the pastor’s ten children since childhood and had visited his house many times” (57). However, many Hutus from the neighborhood are gathered there, which makes Immaculée uneasy, given the glaring looks they give her. Nonetheless, Immaculée approaches Pastor Murinzi and informs him that her father ordered her to come there and that he will come to collect Immaculée as soon as things calm down.

Immaculée notices that her friend Janet—her “best friend since primary school”— is seated in the dining room of the pastor’s home (58). Immaculée runs to Janet and embraces her, but Janet’s “whole body stiffens” at Immaculée’s touch (59). Janet informs Immaculée that she has no intention of commiserating with Tutsis anymore and abruptly leaves the conversation. Immaculée is deeply upset that such a long-time friend has turned against her.

After retreating to a bedroom in the pastor’s house, Immaculée lies on the bed with her thoughts swirling about the events of the last few days and thinks of the whereabouts of her family. Suddenly, Immaculée hears the voices of her brothers Damascene and Vianney downstairs, and she is overjoyed that they made it to the pastor’s home. They join her in the bedroom, and Damascene informs her that their family home has been completely burned to the ground. The house was destroyed when an angry group of Hutus fired their guns into the air to rally the growing mob, shouting, “‘This house is full of cockroaches—fumigate it! What are you waiting for? You have a job to do! It’s time to stomp these cockroaches’” (62).

As the house burns, Immaculée’s father and mother jump on their family’s motorcycle to flee; Immaculée’s father shouts to Damascene and Vianney to head to the pastor’s home to find Immaculée. Damascene suspects that their parents fled to their aunt Cecile’s home, but the scene was too confusing: “It was a stampede. Thousands and thousands of Tutsis were running for their lives—toward the mountains, the forest, the swamp, and the stadium” (62). The story leaves Immaculée speechless. Damascene makes Immaculée promise that, whatever happens, she will not leave the pastor’s home because it is too dangerous outside. Damascene also insists that Vianney, the youngest sibling, stay with Immaculée. As for himself, Damascene does not want to crowd the pastor, so he makes plans to go stay with a good friend of his nearby, who is a Hutu and who may be able to offer him protection. Immaculée and Damascene say their goodbyes: “We stood staring at each other silently until Damascene gently pulled his hands away, smiled sadly, and stepped through the gate” (64).

A Tutsi village schoolteacher by the name of Nzima comes to seek refuge at the pastor’s home, but the pastor turns him away, and “[l]ater I heard that the poor man was hacked to death just a few hundred yards down the road from the pastor’s house” (66).

Immaculée is sitting in a small bedroom when suddenly Pastor Murinzi enters with five other Tutsi women. The pastor runs out when screaming erupts just outside the home, leaving the women frantically seeking a place to hide. Immaculée spots a crawl space located in the ceiling, and they “crouched in that cramped, stifling space until our clothes were soaked with sweat and we were gasping for air. Two hours later, Pastor Murinzi came back. He stood in the middle of the room and scratched his head with a stunned look on his face” (67). He is confused when the women are not in the room. Immaculée pops her head out of the crawl space, revealing where they are hidden. The pastor orders them to come down.

The pastor reports that conditions of anti-Tutsi violence are worsening by the moment and the Hutu extremists are regularly raiding each and every villager’s home, looking for Tutsis. He has a plan for the group of Tutsi women gathered in his home: Early the next morning, he will take them to a different room in the house where they will remain until the violence has ended. He elaborates on his plan:

I will tell everyone in the house that I have sent you away. I’ll be the only one who knows you are here. Idle gossip could get us all killed. I’ve seen these killing sprees before—once the blood-lust is in the air, you can trust nobody, not even your own children. If one person discovers you, you’re finished! And by God, I don’t want your blood in my house or on my hands (67).

The pastor tells Immaculée that unfortunately he is unable to keep her brother in his home because it is “too dangerous for him to protect men” (67). The next morning, she will need to tell him that he is not welcome to stay at the pastor’s home. She will have only a brief time to say goodbye to her brother before she needs to return to hiding.

Early the next morning, Immaculée wakes her brother from sleep: “I placed my hand on Vianney’s back and woke him gently, speaking softly and slowly to control my sobbing” (69). She tells him that the pastor says Vianney must leave. Vianney is confused. He says he has nowhere to go, what with the Hutu extremists surrounding them. Immaculée is pained by his reaction: “His words tore at me […] I felt like a mother throwing her baby to a pack of wolves” (69). Immaculée explains that he has no choice, he must leave and seek out their father for safety. With one final hug and kiss goodbye, Vianney goes into the early-morning darkness.