Big Summer

“The trick of the Internet, I had learned, was not being unapologetically yourself or completely unfiltered; it was mastering the trick of appearing that way. It was spiking your posts with just the right amount of real…which meant, of course, that you were never being real at all.”

This quote emphasizes the false authenticity of social media. Followers may believe that Daphne is being her authentic self online, but in reality, she is manufacturing her looks and attitude. Ironically, Daphne found a way to be confident through online blogs and body positivity accounts. In the same way that Daphne fell for tricks online, now she mimics those tricks for her followers.

“I was going to eat to nourish myself, I was going to exercise to feel strong and healthy, I was going to let go of the idea of ever being thin, once and for all, and live my life in the body that I had.”

Daphne is still on her journey to loving her body. She has developed love for herself over the last few years but has not yet let go of the ideal of wanting to be thin. Here, she decides to embrace her body—though it will take until the end of the book to truly accept herself. This quote highlights a major lesson in this novel, which is that health and wellbeing are more important than socialized ideals of beauty.

“I could feel the old, familiar longing, and could remember how easily she’d pulled me into her orbit with the unspoken promise that, if I got close to her, if I did what she wanted me to do, I’d end up elevated by proximity; looking like her, being like her, having that beauty and the power and confidence it conferred.”

Just as Daphne places self-importance in clothing, she places importance in Drue’s friendship. Drue symbolizes everything that Daphne doesn’t have but believe she wants; proximity to Drue means that Daphne may one day be like Drue. Daphne acknowledges that their friendship is a transaction or “unspoken promise.” Daphne and Drue understand each other as “Others:” one beautiful and rich, one not. This signifies that Drue was also aware of her power over Daphne. Though Daphne thinks Drue can teach her how to be confident and popular, Drue is ironically much more unhappy than Daphne can imagine.

“In space, nobody could hear you scream; on the Internet, nobody could tell if you were lying.”

Here, Weiner uses Daphne’s Internet presence as a parallel to empty space. While her social media presence gives her a public-facing identity, Daphne understands it as a space to have warped anonymity because she can trick and lie about her image. The parallel between lying online and screaming alone in space implies that Daphne feels a deep stress about her online presence, a loneliness. Daphne feels that her success has been false at best.

“Except it wasn’t, I realized. I should have known that a girl with the last name Cavanaugh was one of those Cavanaughs, the same way I should have realized, somehow, that Drue’s mother’s family had founded the school.”

This quote highlights the absurdity of socialite culture. As early as the sixth grade, children are differentiating themselves based on family name and fortune. The power bestowed on Drue by her peers is a recycled attitude mimicked from the respect adults pay to Drue’s family. Daphne feels embarrassed that she doesn’t know these unspoken norms, emphasizing how absurd they are.

“I hadn’t yet heard the word ‘gaslighting,’ but I knew that Drue made me feel like I was crazy, like I couldn’t trust my own ears or eyes. I also knew that, by every available metric, I belonged with Darshi, and Frankie Fogelson, David Johnson, and Joon Woo Pak. The smart kids, the dreamy, artsy ones, the misfits, the geeks. They were generous, loyal, and kind. But none of them was as alluring, as interesting, or as much fun as Drue.”

Even as a child, Daphne was aware that she had a true friend in Darshi and a dangerous friend in Drue. Daphne had the chance to dive into a social circle that she characterizes as “generous, loyal, and kind,” yet chooses to commit herself to Drue, speaking volumes of Daphne’s self-hatred. Had she known what she deserved, she would have stuck with Darshi and left Drue alone. Instead, Daphne feeds her self-consciousness by tagging along with Drue even though Drue is mean to her and gaslights her. Daphne’s revelation highlights how strange it is that Daphne, now an adult, chooses to reignite friendship with Drue.

“As for the guests themselves, I thought, sourly, that they looked like the results of a successful eugenics experiment, filled with members of what Darshi called the Lucky Sperm Club. The women were all slender; the men were all fit; everyone had perfect teeth and gleaming hair and beautiful, expensive clothes.”

The characterization of Drue’s wedding guests sets a creepy tone. The wealthy socialites in Drue’s circle look so much alike; they are as fabricated as social media images. This characterization emphasizes that it is not Daphne who is abnormal. Rather, these manufactured people work hard to set themselves apart. This quote highlights Weiner’s narrative message that it is important to be authentically yourself because fitting in is boring. Daphne can identify with this and intellectually understand that she doesn’t want to be like them. And yet, she still views their perfections with some envy.

‘“To show that the food doesn’t have power over you. That you’re in charge, not your appetite.’ I’d never thought of my appetite as something separate from me, something that needed to be tamed. ‘How do I be in charge?’ I asked.”

This quote pinpoints the genesis of Daphne’s disordered eating and body dysmorphia. She learns from Nana that food is an enemy; if Daphne leaves food on the plate and monitors her intake, she can gain control and win the war over food. An appetite is a natural biological process, but here, Daphne learns that hunger is an object that requires maintenance. Her dark relationship with food and her body is born out of the complex she learns from her grandmother.

“I’d never been to church, but I imagined that church was probably something like Weight Watchers, with rituals and repetition, confessions and forgiveness and exhortations to stay the course in the upcoming week. I thought it was nice, how the women all seemed to want to help each other.

In making a church out of Weight Watchers, Daphne makes weight loss a religion. This emphasizes her unhealthy relationship with food and her body. Daphne is also drawn to a community of women. After the criticisms lobbed against her by Nana, Daphne appreciates the kinder tone of Weight Watchers. But this community of women comes with a dark side. Forging relationships with women who come together to discuss weight loss and body goals teaches Daphne to bond with women over self-loathing and superficial ideals. In bonding with women over their shared hate for their body, Daphne internalizes this self-hatred as normal and learns that women hold each other accountable. This will eventually lead her to Drue, who spends years being cruel to Daphne.

“She was using me, I thought, and felt something inside of me crumple. Of course she was. Of course she didn’t want me to be her friend again. Of course she had ulterior motives. She wanted to get the fat girls on board, to make us feel included without actually doing the work of including us. And I was the bait; I was the beard, the flag she could wave in front of my plus-size sisters to convince them that she was on their side.”

Daphne’s last impression of Drue is that Drue had used her. But Drue is not alive to confront; Daphne cannot repair their friendship or find out if Drue had really changed. Drue’s death is a harbinger of more mysteries because she and her family have kept secrets that Daphne doesn’t know about. Drue’s last goodbye to Daphne is in the pitch deck, where she labels Daphne for her weight. Thus, even in death, Drue shames Daphne.

“Instagram could tell you that authenticity was the name of the game, that people wanted honest, unfiltered connection; they wanted to feel like the men and women they saw on their phones were living, breathing people, just like they were; they wanted us to be real. But what could I honestly, authentically say about my friend, and what had happened, and how scared I was that the police would decide that I, or the man I’d slept with, had something to do with her death?”

Drue’s death and its ripple effects highlights how inauthentic Daphne’s social media world can be. Daphne feels grief but can’t turn to her beloved online community to express this. Being too vulnerable online will set her up for criticism and misunderstandings. Weiner uses this moment to remind her reader that not every problem can be avoided by engaging with the online world. More important are the real people who help Daphne get through her fears and grief.

“I looked at him, his worried eyes, his wind-burned cheeks, and wondered how much he wanted to protect me, and how much he just wanted to make sure the crime really had been solved, to ensure that Drue got the justice his own mother hadn’t.”

Daphne’s attraction to Nick is coupled with her desire to be seen and appreciated by others in ways she can’t herself. This quote highlights Daphne’s compassion for Nick, who has been kind to her. Despite the suspicion cast on Nick, Daphne chooses to see the best in him. Still, Daphne has learned to distrust people, especially men who show her kindness. Often, men have used Daphne and taken advantage of her low self-esteem. Here, she second-guesses her attraction.

“I wondered if, at the end, she had known that she was dying, if she’d been in pain or if she’d been afraid, and I thought about how, in spite of all the ways we were different, Drue had spent a lot of her life being lonely…just like me.”

Through Drue’s untimely death, Daphne can take a more birds-eye view of their friendship. Drue’s death unearths many secrets Drue had kept to herself, namely her loneliness. Daphne had always imagined that being skinny and traditionally beautiful and wealthy would have earned her friendship and love, but Drue proves that people with surface perfection can be sad too. The implication in this quote is that if Drue had stayed alive, Daphne never would have learned her more intimate secrets. Drue’s death ironically opens up a line of empathy and connection between her and Daphne that helps Daphne humanize Drue.

“DRUE BOUNCES BACK!!! I thought of the hashtags—#singleladies and #lookingforlove and #singlegirlproblems and #loveyourselffirst. I thought about all the single and searching women who’d follow her story, on TV and on social media; all the businesses who’d want a bite of the apple.”

Drue potentially had a deal with a popular television dating show lined up as part of her plan for fame. That Daphne can imagine the hashtags this show would have generated show how immersed Daphne is in online language. Everything, it seems, can be trickled down to a quick and punchy hashtag. But the irony is that these hashtags could not possibly touch the depth of Drue’s personhood or story. In seeing how inauthentically Drue lived her life, Daphne starts to question the power of social media. These hashtags reduce Drue to a mere image.

“I nodded, even as I wondered if maybe Emma was the one who’d gotten the best that Robert Cavanaugh had to offer; if Drue was the one who’d gotten crumbs. Had Drue’s father ever taken her to the beach? Did Drue even have one happy memory, one recollection of a good day they’d had together, one mental snapshot of making her father smile?”

Robert Cavanaugh was a better father to the children he had out of wedlock than to the children he had in his marriage. That is not to say that Robert was a good father. Rather, Weiner uses Emma’s relationship with Robert to criticize the socially acceptable institution of marriage and nuclear families for the sake of keeping up appearances. On the surface, Robert and Lily were the ideal WASP family. But in reality, Robert was an unhappy philanderer who had little connection to the children he had with Lily. His devotion is more evident in his relationship with Emma, whom he produced through an affair.

“In the days since Drue’s death, the police had announced that she’d been poisoned. Emma Vincent had been released. And I’d added almost thirty thousand new followers across my platforms.”

Amid the good news of Emma’s release comes the darker side of social media. In the aftermath of Drue’s death, Daphne reaps the benefits of publicity. Drawn to her page through Drue’s social media, which is now iconized, Daphne earns a significant number of followers. These followers are likely not interested in Daphne’s message of body positivity; instead, it is more likely that they are interested in seeing more about Drue’s life. Ironically, Drue had invited Daphne to her wedding to get more followers for herself. Now, Daphne ends up with a new level of online notoriety.

“I breathed in, reminding myself that high school was over, and that we were all grown-ups now, that Darshi was fine and that Drue wouldn’t be tormenting anyone, ever again.”

Though Drue is dead, the memories of her cruelty are still sharp. This highlights the moral quandary many people have regarding Drue’s death. On the one hand, no one is comfortable with murder or early death. On the other hand, it is difficult for many people to feel sympathy for Drue, who had burned many bridges throughout her short life. In order for Daphne to fully feel compassion for Drue, she must let go of her resentments from high school. 

“I think about it a lot, especially with the kids. How are they going to learn to have real relationships when most of their interactions are online? How are they going to tolerate distress if they can just distract themselves with their phones?”

Here, Nick highlights the consequences of social media. Daphne had the benefit of growing up without social media and learning how to use it as an adult. But children who grow up in a digital world are likely to have more issues of self-esteem than even Daphne. Social media’s platforms are fundamentally inauthentic, exposing children to an ideal of beauty and self-confidence that are difficult to emulate. What’s more, Daphne does prove his point about human connections. Daphne is constantly on her phone and forms a network of followers and “friends” who don’t truly know her. This makes her less open to people she meets in the real world. If Daphne struggles with human connection, then surely children do too.

“Social media means we’re listening to different voices. It’s not just the same old powerful white men who all went to the same places for college. It means everyone gets a soapbox. And if you’ve got something important to say, you can get people to listen.”

Daphne’s counterpoint to Nick’s criticisms about social media is as valid as Nick’s points. Social media does have the power to provide equity and demarginalize voices. For so many years, the media was controlled by a certain group of people. Now, people from different backgrounds can contribute to building culture and identity. Weiner uses this argument to pose an important question about social media: Are the risks of social media ultimately worth the rewards?

“Of course, now it was tempered by the knowledge that he despised what I did online, mixed with a hint of terror that he might have killed my friend. I wondered why he was really here, in New York City, how much of it had to do with the father he couldn’t remember meeting and the half sister he’d never known at all, and how much had to do with me.”

This emphasizes Daphne’s insecurities. Though she likes Nick and believes that he likes her, she is more committed to the work she’s put into her social media presence. Online, Daphne can control her narrative, but with Nick, she must be vulnerable to judgment. Daphne still doesn’t know Nick well enough to view him without suspicion. She hopes that Nick is in New York for her but acknowledges that Nick is on his own journey. Just as Daphne is trying to figure out her life, so too is Nick navigating his identity and past.

“In that moment, I felt a great enfolding sympathy for him, a sorrow so piercing and complete it was hard to breathe. Had I really spent so many years feeling miserable because I was bigger than other girls, when there were people who’d grown up without their parents? Had I pitied myself because I’d failed at Weight Watchers, and because my high school BFF and I had fallen out, when there were people who’d found their own mother’s dead body on the floor?”

Meeting Nick puts Daphne’s struggles into perspective. Daphne’s self-esteem is important, but she begins to realize that there are larger issues in life than body types and styles. Through Drue’s death and Nick’s tragic history, Daphne is better able to appreciate her upbringing and the unconditional love she has received from her parents and from friends like Darshi. This quote also emphasizes why it’s important to be open and vulnerable to new people in the real world. Online, Daphne only sees and displays manufactured confidence. Problems like Nick’s family history would not be revealed on social media, thus preventing people from getting to know him. Only through conversation and the risk of getting hurt can Daphne get to know people for who they truly are.

“‘When you have excluded the impossible, what remains, however improbable, must be the truth,’ my father called back.”

Daphne’s father quotes from Sherlock Holmes and is a fitting allusion. Because so much of contemporary American life is manufactured online, it is easy to pigeonhole people. However, people are complex and multi-layered. In forming her impeccable online image, Drue has ensured that people won’t see her more intimate, vulnerable layers. Because Daphne and her friends have bought into this image, finding Drue’s true love or her killer are more difficult. In assuming that Daphne could not have been in love with Aditya, for example, Daphne diminishes Drue’s full human experience. This quote is a warning for readers; Weiner encourages her audience to be open to being surprised by how people truly are or can be.

“I listened, thinking that this was a Drue I’d never seen—one who saw her own privilege. One who was trying to do better.”

Just as Drue reduced Daphne to a sidekick role, so too did Daphne reduce Drue to the role of queen bee. Now that Drue is dead, Daphne is learning about how incomplete her characterization of Drue had been. Drue had tried to give back to communities, to not take her wealth and privilege for granted; she volunteered in the Boston school system and edited her will to give money to her friends and half siblings. Daphne’s revelation is tinged with a melancholic tone: Had Drue lived, would Daphne had ever learned how kind she could be? Daphne never got to know and honor the better layers of Drue’s personality.