Bewilderment

The next day is Robin’s birthday. Theo gives Robin a digital microscope as a birthday gift; Robin spends the morning examining everything he can find. Theo buys a cake, but Robin is worried because it isn’t vegan. He thinks that his mother wouldn’t have approved of a non-vegan cake. They eat a little cake and feed the rest to the birds while Robin asks questions about his mother, who died when he was young. Theo recalls his first date with Alyssa. They went birding and spotted a robin; Robin’s name derives from this happy memory, and he likes to hear the story, though he regretfully admits that the name makes him a target for bullies. He spends the rest of the day sketching birds.

Theo uses his research to describe an imaginary, distant planet, which he calls Dvau, to Robin. Theo explains that planets like Earth exist, but they lack key features that might make them habitable.

The next day, Theo and Robin drive through the woods. Theo allows Robin to sit in the front seat of the car now that he’s nine years old. After Theo parks the car, they hike through the woods with their tent and camping equipment, stopping occasionally for Robin to sketch the plants. As they hike to their campsite, Theo teaches Robin about nature. Everything astonishes Robin.

They reach their campsite beside a rocky stream. Robin pitches the tent, and then they go for a swim, happy to enter the water “on a day that had broken yet another all-time heat record” (20). Theo teaches Robin how to swim in the cascading stream, and then they sit in the cool water and watch the fish nibble at their skin. As Robin delights in this new experience, Theo experiences a moment of sadness. He visited the same stream with Alyssa on their honeymoon. Robin detects his father’s sadness and sees the area in a new light.

When they return to the camp, Theo feels a need to update himself on current events. The world is dealing with the rapid onset of climate change, and he worries about what scientific insights he’s missing. As wars break out and politicians test “the outermost limits of public gullibility” (22), Theo is glad to be with his son. Robin likes the woods and tells his father that he feels as though he belongs in this place. As night falls and they sit beside the fire, Robin asks about his mother’s habit of reading poetry to their dog, Chester. The dog died not long after Alyssa died, which “almost killed” (22) Robin. Theo is reluctant to get another dog and pushes back on Robin’s request to replace Chester. They lay down in the tent to sleep and listen to the birds. As Robin begins to feel sleepy, they recite Alyssa’s prayer. The prayer is a Buddhist mantra: “[M]ay all sentient beings be free from needless suffering” (23). She thought that regardless of how bad her day was, the prayer would prepare her for anything the next morning.

Just before falling asleep, Robin asks his father, “[W]hat exactly do you do, again?” (24). Robin’s inability to explain his father’s work to his schoolmates has caused arguments. Theo explains that he writes computer programs that predict the kind of atmospheres that might exist on distant planets. Carefully, Theo guides his son through the scientific process of his work. Theo eventually falls asleep, but Robin awakens him and excitedly explains his new theory about the search for extraterrestrial life.

Theo struggles to sleep. He worries that once their vacation ends, he’ll be so inundated with work that he won’t be able to spend as much time with Robin. For a long time, he has worried about his ability to be a good father. Beside him, Robin talks in his sleep, pleading with someone to stop.

Theo lies awake, thinking about Robin’s recent obsession over the Fermi paradox. This scientific theory questions why, in such an enormous universe, humans have not found any signs of extraterrestrial life. Theo doesn’t dare tell Robin that one proposed solution to this paradox is that humanity has been reared in a zoo by an incredibly advanced alien species. He thinks about Alyssa and admits that he’s scared to take Robin home.

In the early hours of the morning, a sudden storm awakens Theo. He and Robin work to cover the tent; Robin finds the unexpected downpour funny. The next morning, they hike back down the trail to the car and begin the drive back to the rented cabin. They encounter a line of stopped traffic because of a mother bear and her cubs near the road. Theo encourages Robin to exit the barely moving car and join the crowd of spectators. He does so, but the sight of the family of bears makes Robin feel depressed about the state of humanity. Sensing that Robin is on the verge of an angry outburst, Theo distracts his son with a conversation about aliens. However, Robin still resents humanity for destroying the world in which the animals live.

That night, Theo describes another of his imagined planets to Robin. Falasha is a rogue planet, meaning that it doesn’t orbit a star. Despite this, the planet’s ocean teems with life.

The next morning, Theo and Robin leave the cabin at dawn. The news is full of stories about climate catastrophes and rising political tensions across the globe. When Theo tries to change the station, Robin insists that they listen because they “have to know” (33). During a story about wildfires in California, Robin is disgusted by the President’s plan to cut down forests as a solution. Robin insults the President, but Theo warns him not to do so. Insulting the President is a crime, he reminds his son.

They drive home while listening to an audiobook of Flowers for Algernon. Theo read the book as a youngster and partially credits it with igniting his passion for science. The story grips Robin. They stop at a motel for the night, but Robin refuses to sleep until he has heard the end of the audiobook. He asks whether his mother ever read the book, but Theo doesn’t know.

Theo and Robin arrive home late the next day, so Robin must skip a day of school. Theo takes Robin to the campus where he works. While his graduate student, Jinjing, fusses over Robin like her little brother and takes him to see a science exhibit, Theo catches up on everything he has missed. Carl Stryker, his colleague, is worried that a rival university will scoop their research. Stryker has little sympathy for Theo’s need to spend so much time with Robin.

Theo thinks about growing up as part of a dysfunctional family. His mother had a form of multiple personality disorder, and half of her personalities “were capable of doing [him and his] two older sisters real harm” (37). Meanwhile, his father experienced a drug problem with painkillers, and it slowly killed him. Theo turned to science as a distraction from the pain and misery. He developed substance use problems with alcohol as a wayward teen and only went to college as an alternative to a job. However, a biology course at the public college inspired him. Theo received a graduate assistantship at a university in Seattle, and vital new discoveries in the space-related sciences inspired him, so he decided to dedicate his life to searching for any signs of life on distant planets.

Theo met Alyssa toward the end of his work toward a Ph.D. They bonded quickly and, over the following months, Theo began to realize how much he loved her. After they finished their respective degrees, Theo and Alyssa found jobs in Wisconsin and moved there together. Alyssa worked for one of the leading animal rights organizations and quickly rose through the ranks. Theo began working with Stryker, whose expertise in astrochemistry dovetailed neatly with Theo’s knowledge of life science. Their research involved testing their methods on Earth, examining it as though it were a distant planet. Alyssa’s pregnancy with Robin was unexpected and seemed badly timed, but Theo now considers it “the luckiest thing in [his] life” (41).

After returning from their short holiday, Theo notices that Robin is having an adverse reaction to their first night at home. Because of the disruption to his routines, Robin battles to maintain his self-control. At the end of the evening, Robin asks to watch the clips of Alyssa that are available on the Internet. Together, they watch her lobbying at the local state Capitol building. Theo thinks that some of the animal cruelty practices she lobbied against are too violent or traumatizing for Robin, but Robin insists on watching the video, filmed two months before Alyssa’s death. Seeing his mother lobby against killing contests in the state enraptures Robin.

After watching the video, Robin is in a thoughtful mood as he prepares for bed. He asks Theo about Alyssa’s closing remarks and then asks about God and heaven. He doesn’t believe in God but wonders what happened to his mother after her death. Theo struggles to answer, so Robin launches into his own theory, halfway between thermodynamics and reincarnation. The conversation energizes Robin, and Theo tries to calm him down. Robin recalls the video of his mother, in which she explains that “only two percent of all animals are wild” (46). The idea makes him cry. When Theo tries to comfort him, Robin asks for a new planet.