Becoming

In Chapter 3, Michelle explores more of the sometimes overt, sometimes subtle race relations that inform her upbringing. Michelle describes her grandfather Dandy’s role in the Great Migration, “in which six million southern blacks relocated to big northern cities over the course of five decades, fleeing racial oppression and chasing industrial jobs” (37). In Chicago, Dandy faces further barriers to his education and job prospects due to racist hiring practices, and though he shows promise as a scholar, he must eventually settle for a much lower life than he anticipated. Dandy’s children, including Michelle’s father, Fraser, face better prospects, indicating progress; however, Dandy remains haunted by “the bitter residue of his own dashed dreams” (39).

More opportunities might be available to black people over time, but Michelle makes clear that this does not erase the issues they face. Michelle gives the example of her cousin who challenges her for the way she speaks, noting, “We seemed to be related but of two different worlds” (39). The issue of grammar might seem comparatively small on the surface, but Michelle indicates that it points to a confusion of racial identity. If she speaks “the ‘white’ way” (40), she is denying her culture; if she doesn’t, she might be denied opportunities moving forward that will keep her in the same cycle of poverty that traps many black people. The conflicting sense of identity Michelle feels over this issue can also be seen on the larger scale, as she relates it to her husband’s presidency. Many struggled to situate Barack as something neither black nor white, seemingly wondering, “Are you what you appear to be? Do I trust you or not?” (40). By including these details, Michelle shows that the racial issues she alludes to cannot be confined to history, but are something we must continue to address.

Michelle describes her coming-of-age into womanhood with some lighthearted stories, such as meeting up to kiss her crush Ronnell on the bench outside her house. However, she also touches on some more serious issues of what it is to be a woman. Though Michelle is overall excited by her changing body and her ability to flirt with and attract boys, she also reflects on the innate understanding she had even as a girl of the danger of these powers. She describes looking straight ahead any time she passes a group of men, “careful not to register their eyes roving over my chest and legs” (48). Still young at the time, Michelle shouldn’t have to bear the burden of trying to control the behavior of much older men, but Michelle reflects the way society pressures girls into believing that their behavior is what needs to be corrected.

Michelle also becomes more cautious about which parts of town to walk through and not going out alone at night, a sad reality that all women must contend with at some point in their lives. Michelle reflects on Marian, who so diligently works to keep the house nice and provide her children with everything they needed, but who also struggles privately with occasionally wishing for a different life. Michelle knows Marian loved her and the rest of the family, but she acknowledges that being a wife and mother in the 1970s—and maybe even today—can require a lot of work and sacrifice, “miss[ing] out on other possibilities by becoming a wife to this man in this house with these children” (51). As a child, Michelle might have balked at the thought of her mother contemplating leaving her, even temporarily, but as a woman herself she understands the weight behind such a choice.

Chapter 5 explores the theme of self-doubt as Michelle begins the chapter by fearing that she isn’t enough at her school, and ends by ignoring a high school counselor who tells her she isn’t good enough to get into Princeton. Michelle’s time at the magnet school is at first daunting, surrounded by students from so many different backgrounds and such diverse ranges of talents and intellectual gifts. Like many people faced with change, Michelle begins to question herself and her abilities: “What if, after all this fuss, we were just the best of the worst?” (56). However, rather than letting her new surroundings overwhelm her, Michelle embraces the differences of the people she meets so she can learn from them.

Michelle befriends the rich, privileged kids who were at first so daunting to her, and in doing so, she learns that the differences in their background don’t make them better, just more socially connected. She acknowledges that this type of privilege “seemed like a network of half-hidden ladders and guide ropes that lay suspended overhead, ready to connect some but not all of us to the sky” (57). However, rather than giving up, Michelle strengthens her resolve to succeed, knowing she must work harder. She describes the extra time she spends studying, the good grades she earns, and the positions she holds in student council to help put her at the same level of achievement as her peers.

At first, Michelle resists going to her parents for things that seem superfluous, like trips to Paris, but her parents’ gentle reprimand to let them worry about the money teaches Michelle to allow the people she loves to help her with her goals. Michelle befriends the daughter of Jesse Jackson, who preaches ideals of self-empowerment, “urging people to quit with the self-pity and take charge of their own destiny” (62). This resonates with Michelle, who learns to fight for the things she wants. When Michelle faces the obstacle of being told she can’t make it into Princeton, she puts Jackson’s idea into practice, deciding that if the high school counselor won’t help her, she’ll find a way around her to get accepted: “I wasn’t going to let one person’s opinion dislodge everything I thought I knew about myself” (66). In showing all these examples, Michelle suggests that the best way to overcome self-doubt is through self-belief.